Hurting From a Failed Relationship? Allow Yourself to Heal

Have you ever broken at least one of your limbs? Sorry about that. A broken leg or hand is most times immobile. You are in such great pain, and you can’t control the organ. The same thing happens in a failed relationship.

It is unfair that the people you love most hold the highest potential to hurt you gravely. 

Actually, you are most vulnerable at their hands because of the trust you have bestowed on them. They may be your spouse, parents, or even friends.

 Honestly, a broken heart hurts more than a broken bone. All the same, you can find your way out of the pain.

Getting over heartbreak is harder than fixing a broken bone. In fact, the heart may take years to heal. Therefore, if you are hurting from a broken relationship, you are the only one who can hasten your healing.

Here are some tips to quicken your recovery from a failed relationship.

Go Through the Pain - Not Around It

Being left, rejected or hurt is never the end of the world. Therefore, you need to accept the reality. This may be the hardest part of recovery. The truth is; you need to accept your loss and grief. Actually, cry if you have to and express your pain.

There is nothing as tormenting as living in denial. Therefore, you need to face the hard truth and forge your way forward in life. Look into the just-ended relationship and list down the things that hurt you most. 

Also, list events that you wish never happened.

Again, grieving should be healthy without running into bitterness, the shame of self-loathing. Having Hope that life will get better keeps you the right path to healing. But how do you stay positive? Let’s see how.

Use Your Time Wisely

With so much time now that you are not together, your significant other can be psychologically tormenting. The time you used to be with your partner is currently not accounted for. 

In fact, it seems like some good time to wallow in negative feelings.

Notably, you need to distract your mind constructively.

Travel to new places, meet new people, learn new things, and help other people. This way, you feel better about yourself. Also, it helps to learn how to live without your ex.

Your Partner’s Negative Words Don’t Define Your Worth

The worst you can do at this point in time is losing your self-esteem. In fact, you were worth as much before and during the relationship as you are after it’s broken.

No matter how painful the breakup was, you haven’t lost a dime in your worth (Psa 139:14).

Your partner may have uttered strong deforming words, but remember, those are mere words. Indeed, some people reel back to name-calling as a defense mechanism.

So, as your partner was trying to come into terms with the breakup, they could have gotten out of themselves. Most likely, they regret saying mean words to you.

Don’t bottle up your painful feelings

Though it’s natural to try and conceal our pain, the habit is counter-productive. It will save your face to the public, but the heart keeps bleeding. So, to avoid running into depression, share your experiences. 
"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity." (Prov 17:17)

Speaking helps in making you accept the reality.

Face the pain and let your friends know that your relationship failed. I will help you to accept your situation and work your way forward.

So, face the pain and grieve for your losses. Otherwise, if you hide from reality, you may end up in depression.

Talk to Someone Who Cares

It is an open secret that the best counseling comes from talking your heart out.

 A listening ear is compared to teammates who help carry an injured team member off the pitch. People who care are most likely ready to carry you when you hurt most.

In that case, know your friends.

Indeed, you may have to choose one friend whom you can trust with your most wild secrets. Pour yourself out; you will be glad you did.

Although we are saying you get someone to speak to, it’s good to consider their experience as well. Choose a friend who is older than you and one who has some experience with heartbreaks. At least, such a friend will understand your pain better.

   

Give Yourself Time to Heal

A failed relationship can only compare to a fracture. It is more than a fracture. Unlike other breaks in the body, heartbreak takes long to heal. This is because it affects the spirit and the mind too.

When breakups happen, life looks so unpromising, and we feel like the world has come to an end. But that’s not the truth. At times, things may fall apart for better things to fall in place.

Avoid jumping right into another relationship after a breakup. You may feel like if you did you would send a message to your ex, but that move is suicidal. 

Actually, Paulette Kouffman Sherman advice is that if you had been in a relationship for a year or more, you need to take about 3-4 months before you start dating.

Therefore, to out-grow the pain, you need to give yourself time to heal. The healing process might be bumpy, but you will eventually get there. Time is the best ingredient when it comes to repairing a broken heart.

Actually, rebound dating is not healthy at all. Take time off and rebuild your heart.

Take Your Heart to God

There is a limit into how much a human being can achieve by himself/herself.

You can cry yourself to sleep every night, distract your mind with fun activities, delete all your ex’s messages and ignore their calls. 

But after you have done all that you can, you might still be hurting.

Your heart will still be throbbing and aching at the slightest memory of your failed relationship.

That is when you will realize that you need God to heal you. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psa 147:3)

King David knew this secret, and that’s why he asked God for healing. Also, he asked God to create in him a new heart (Psa 51:10). A new heart knows how to forgive others and itself.

Did you know that God loves you still? Yes, he loves us all.

God does not love us because of how righteous we are.  But he loves us with his unconditional love. He loves you with all the crazy decisions you made and all the mess you have put yourself through.  

Actually, is a father who expects you only to trust him with your hurting heart and he will mend it for you. Turn away from sin, and he will heal you. 

Our loving Father will create in you a new heart.

Just remember how much you have struggled on your own without inviting God. You have done it all, but you haven’t found a solution to heal your broken heart. God is waiting for you to acknowledge that you need him.

He has watched you all the while you were running in circles searching for an escape. It is time you stopped and surrendered all your pain unto him.

Conclusion

Finally, now you know how to start your journey to healing. You have to accept the breakup, accept that you are in pain and work your way out of it. You don’t have to hold bitterness against anybody, not even yourself. You need to forgive and move with life.

You hold the key to your happiness. Please, don’t lock yourself outside just because your relationship is fallen. You have the whole world to face ahead of you. So, don’t let grief to imprison your mind and heart.

Seek God’s help, and you will find a fountain of life in him. He is just waiting for you to call for his help. Therefore, surrender your broken heart to him, and it will never be the same again.